I broke up with my lover for a man I’ve never met. Well, technically I made him break up with me. I didn’t want to see Lover. But he kept pushing and then I hurt his feelings, so I felt guilty. It went like this:

“Come on, let’s go have sushi!”

“I think I’m staying in.”

“I haven’t seen you in weeks! You can see my new jeep.”

“I’m so tired I feel asleep while changing clothes and taking pictures of my boobs.”


“Yeah, honey. I’m really tired.”

“Please… Just a quick bite? I really want to show you my new ride. We can ride together. It’s kick-ass!”

“I can’t ride with you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re always high. And if for some crazy reason you got pulled over it would be very bad for me, not to mention you. I can’t risk it.”

“Are you saying I’m too messed up to ride with?”

“I’m saying I can’t risk it.”


“I’ll be over in a few minutes. I’ll just follow you there.”

I walk in the door and me motions for me to be quiet. He’s on the phone with his girlfriend. I lean across his bed and listen to him lie to her. When he hangs up he walks over and smacks me on the ass. Hard. I stand up and let him hug me. He leans into kiss me and meets a cheek instead of my mouth. My mouth doesn’t want him.

I look up at him and lay a hand on the side of his face before saying, “I’m so sorry if what I said about not riding with you hurt you. I care for you and it pained me to have to say that.”

He lets it go with a shrug of his shoulders, spins me around and smacks me on the ass again. This time even harder and it’s all I can do to not wince. I turn and sit on the edge of his bed to avoid another strike.

“So are you going to follow me to get sushi or are you going to suck my cock?” he asks as he’s unzipping his fly.

And there it is. The dick that’s been pleasing me for months. And I don’t want it.

“I can’t,” I say, while he looks at me, speechless. I’m compelled to explain. “There’s this guy I’ve been talking to and I really like him. I just can’t.”

His questions follow one after the other, “You’ve met someone? You’re already fucking someone else? Are you just trying to make me jealous?”

“No, I’m not trying to make you jealous. How could I? This has always been light and easy sex. And no, we aren’t fucking. We haven’t even met in person yet. He lives states away,” I say.

“Are you actually saying you don’t want to suck my cock because of some guy you met on the internet?” his voice rises.

“Yes.” I say, fighting to keep my voice even.

“I don’t believe it!” he says, “You’re just mad because I got girlfriend.”

My temper flares. “Why do you think I was taking pictures of my boobs, jack ass?”

He pauses.

“You are sending pictures of your boobs to some guy you met off the internet? You fucking whore,” he says as he slowly puts his cock away. “I don’t want sushi anymore.”

“I’ll get out,” I say softly while picking up my purse and my phone.

I touch my hand to his face one last time before walking out the door to my car. That was it. And I’m glad it’s over. I wanted it to be over. But the bare facts he stated sting. Their poison worms into my rational, causing me to question. Everything.

22 thoughts on “Endings

  1. Now that’s honest; that’s a heartbreaking yet exhilarating scene like we all go through once or twice in our lives, sometimes from one side, sometimes from the other. I like the way you don’t try to explain the irrational stuff when you can’t. (Sometimes we just got to do what we got to do.)

  2. What a douche. So, he can have a girlfriend and keep you as a side chick, but you can’t move on? He’s gross and I’m glad you moved on.

  3. Pingback: Blown | Creative Noodling

  4. It catches me off-guard to have the clarity in those decisive moments that change your life amidst regular, everyday circumstances that used to be just plain fun. It makes me wonder about how my subconscious rules me…anyway – glad your decision was clear enough to make a move.

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