Death of a Soulmate

I will not let you make me cry again. Those are my first thoughts as your words jump off the screen. I had closure. I was done. But, while reading your have-a-nice-life email, it all rushes back. The wave of emotion covers me in chills. The bad kind. And then, as the sadness coats me, I am again thankful for the feeling, the depth. I don’t think I will ever understand what exactly happened—what I fell in love with—and that’s all right. I will not let your coldness, your fear, ruin my memories. Yes, it will be as if it happened to someone else, with someone else, but that doesn’t make it any less beautiful.

The someone I allowed to hold my heart ran at life and embraced it with everything he had. He treasured the details in the tiny moments that often slip by unnoticed. He laughed, jubilantly and with energy.

The someone I spoke to yesterday had no zest, no vigor, no spark. He had lost his passion—seemingly for everything. Did you get scared? Did you get back to your continent and give up? You were going to make changes. You planned to cut out the things dragging down your soul. The man I met would have. I realize now the tears that sprung into my eyes were not for me, but for you. My soul greaves for the man I called my soulmate, because he is gone.

I will do my best to be a wonderfully remarkable person as you said, but not in the way trite way you meant. So good luck to you too, whoever you are. My closure is complete. I’m running towards life again, my arms open.

31 thoughts on “Death of a Soulmate

  1. Beautiful, honest, and heartfelt. I especially love the last line…” I’m running towards life again, my arms open.” just as you should my dear, just as you should.

    Hugs and love

  2. wow….you have no ideal what your words felt like as they ran through my soul and I say soul because the mind cannot phanthom what brought on my twinflames fear that made him run away
    to settle for mediocre….
    I love your last line also…I am almost there….

    Take care…

  3. I love, LOVE this. Very well said. I like how you realized that the person you lost is not the same person you fell in love with. And it’s beautiful that you want to move on with your life with renewed energy and enthusiasm. Yay to you! :) I think we all learn from heartbreaks. It’s a good jolt once in a while. Makes us see life and ourselves in a different (hopefully clearer) light. Good luck! :)

  4. It’s weird, life. I always find the greatest strength in myself at times when everything seems lost. Beautiful My Noodle. Keep soaring!


    • The older I get the more I see how intertwined life is… And if I think about it too much I get dizzy! : ) It’s a continuous process of getting lost and then finding one’s way again that makes it such a glorious adventure!
      BIG Kisses!!!!

  5. I’m going through a similar situation now. The person I thought knew me so well has drawn away from me. For whatever reason. It makes me sad but also makes me realize that I need to take care of myself. Be that remarkable person that they thought I was in the beginning of our friendship. As my soul mate has told me in the past, I was not looking to love him, but rather myself. It doesn’t make it hurt any less though. I ache from the pain of what once was….

  6. I was stunned on reading this. The sadness, the fortitude, the fuck you attitude … and the wisdom. Yes, you are sad for him too … his succumbing to fear has extinguished his hopes, his aspirations, and your dreams in one swift blow. I am so sorry.

    Your final words are so very inspirational … a mantra to lead you. Godspeed.


  7. I have been rereading this. It is still so moving. In my time and through all my screw ups, I have finally learned 3 things
    – Live for all the beauty and pleasure you can today without hurting others
    – Remember and treasure the past moments of happiness, no matter how fleeting, and do not let anything or anybody cloud or discolor those gifts
    — never pine nor weep for the future that didn’t or will not happen. For if you do, with your head down in sadness, you will miss the endless happy possibilities headed your way.

    It took me a long time to understand this. You, so young, already grasp these concepts completely, I am in awe.

    • You put the three things so succinctly. Though I may know them, I hadn’t plotted them out in such an organized fashion. And I may seem young on the outside… but within I’m ancient. A true old soul.

Talk to me. Please.

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