I will not let you make me cry again. Those are my first thoughts as your words jump off the screen. I had closure. I was done. But, while reading your have-a-nice-life email, it all rushes back. The wave of emotion covers me in chills. The bad kind. And then, as the sadness coats me, I am again thankful for the feeling, the depth. I don’t think I will ever understand what exactly happened—what I fell in love with—and that’s all right. I will not let your coldness, your fear, ruin my memories. Yes, it will be as if it happened to someone else, with someone else, but that doesn’t make it any less beautiful.
The someone I allowed to hold my heart ran at life and embraced it with everything he had. He treasured the details in the tiny moments that often slip by unnoticed. He laughed, jubilantly and with energy.
The someone I spoke to yesterday had no zest, no vigor, no spark. He had lost his passion—seemingly for everything. Did you get scared? Did you get back to your continent and give up? You were going to make changes. You planned to cut out the things dragging down your soul. The man I met would have. I realize now the tears that sprung into my eyes were not for me, but for you. My soul greaves for the man I called my soulmate, because he is gone.
I will do my best to be a wonderfully remarkable person as you said, but not in the way trite way you meant. So good luck to you too, whoever you are. My closure is complete. I’m running towards life again, my arms open.