I’m Like a Bird

Sometimes when I can’t sleep, I think. And tonight I’m thinking. Nothing is particularly wrong in my life at the moment, which I am thankful for. But there is always that little something that keeps me from being settled. I’m not sure the little something even has a name.

But there is a song that has a lyric that describes the essence of the something. “I’m like a bird. I’ll always fly away. I don’t know where my home is. I don’t know where my soul is. I’m like a bird. I’ll always fly away.”

That song came on while my godson was in the car with me. With all the wisdom of a precocious nine-year-old he asked, “What does she mean? How can anyone be like a bird?”

I thought about and said, “Well, I think she’s saying that she doesn’t stay in relationships with people for a long time. That she gets close and then pulls away. Kind of like a bird. You can ease up on them and then they fly off.”

“Oh, I get it now,” he said, the matter fully resolved in his head.

But it’s not resolved in mine. I don’t know why I take flight. I need a name for the something.

36 thoughts on “I’m Like a Bird

  1. it’s called “discontent” – a core shakespearean category. it’s the motivation of villains in tragedies, the engine, the verb that causes and keeps moving the action. very good for the overall plot and enjoyment of the audience, not so good for the villain, caught in the down gurgling spin of the destiny :) ciao girl. keep flying

  2. My two centavos:

    Wrong base question. First question – does it concern you that you run, or is it naturally acceptable (not just comfortable) for your inner self?

      • Hmmmm. A couple of thoughts.

        (1) It sounds like that’s rationalization or excusing your behavior, eh. Those people who get close to you are adults – they make their choice to want to get close to you. Why would it seem better to take that choice from them? Because getting close to someone is a two-way street, and each person engages like that because there’s mutual interest in getting close to the other person. The (common) problem is how intimate (not just romantic) relationships develop – the common thing with humans is we put ourselves forward in the best light (what we believe is the best light) in order to show our value to other, to get close. But…

        (2) …that best possible light often glosses over things that we consider negative about ourselves. Like… a primal belief that we’ve gotta hide human flaws, else people won’t want to get close to us. In other words: rejection. So it comes down to mettle of character when people get close enough to see past just the awesomeness and starts to see our humanity. Fear of failure kicks in and it’s easier to run than to risk someone rejecting because of what we think are our flaws. And the more we do that – internal acceptance that our public mask is what people like, and would not like the whole package, the more it validates that not getting close is the “right” thing to do. A shit spiral, long term.

  3. I believe it may be one of the Three words… all which are complimentary:

    1) Exploratory-you are an explorer who will always want to discover the unknown and unseen. Fearless as you travel through your full and wonderful life.
    2) Unconquerable- Never settling for what is not right when you feel and know life has more to offer
    3) Unquenchable- Thirsting for more, momentarily satiated, but demanding more knowledge and experiences to expand your essence.

    • Thank you for this. One and three are apt descriptors. I don’t know about the second one. I don’t really look at myself as an entity to be conquered. Enjoyed… certainly. : ) But the conquering of Marian isn’t something that has crossed my mind. Thanks for making me think.

  4. I think in time you will know what to call “it”.
    For me, some people aren’t meant to be caged while others reveled in it… It’s not right or wrong.
    I would ask if you are happy and if you are then why change?
    If people decide to get hurt it’s their own choosing since we are all adults here.

    I do have to say that I do envy people that “feel at home”.
    While I am happy I feel that something is missing… Maybe I was mean to be a rancher instead of a city girl.
    I don’t know…
    I don’t really care to dig too deeply into this.

    Let me know if you figure it out.

    • Thanks for the thoughts. I think I have times where it doesn’t bother me that I am the way I am. And then other times, it does. Such is the human experience I suppose. Feeling “at home” is something I think people drift in and out of. I hope you find that place, even if only for a little while.

  5. I have no name for it; I only suffer from it when it’s time for me to go. In you, though, I’d call it your butterfly effect: you go from beautiful flower to beautiful flower.

  6. Someone once told me, “If the full moon loves you, why worry about the stars?” – Tunisian proverb…but what if you thought the stars were beautiful and deserved love?

    Although, I want to say it’s a natural defense mechanism, right? Choosing flight over fight.

Talk to me. Please.

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