Two Years

It just hit me. Right this moment, two years ago, the Australian was telling me he loved me. After meeting me only just that morning and spending a magical day together.

“I didn’t know it could be like this,” he said as we lay naked discovering each other’s bodies. “How is it I feel this way? How can I love you after less than a day?”

Yes. I can still play back his words in my head. But I went all day not realizing it was my silent anniversary. The day I will forever remember as the day I fell. The day that I wouldn’t ever undo. The day the I lost my jadedness. The day that led to the shattering of my heart. The day.

I might have missed it if someone hadn’t reminded me that Valentine’s Day was fast approaching. Funny thing is, a reader friend asked me today if I was ok. He remembered. But I didn’t. I just emailed back that I was great but swamped at work. And didn’t give it a second thought.

But now I am thinking about it. And there’s still a sting. A bearable one to be sure. But a wincingly sweet melancholy. Wherever you are, dear man who turned my world upside down, I still love you. And I believe what you said to me when we parted for the last time, “Though we can’t be together, never forget that there is someone in Australia who loves you deeply. For always.”

31 thoughts on “Two Years

  1. A very, very beautiful piece. And I sense you are doing extremely well. Maybe even better than you realize. You make us all very happy that you are so strong.


  2. Never regret shared moments. The sting and the sharp memory says that it – the love – mattered and still does. That’s what’s important; and you’ll always have that in you, as long as you hold on.

    I see the things that sting like that and I find them good – because I wouldn’t choose to forget them if I could. I think it’s similar for you, M.

  3. That is what I really hate about heartbreak. You keep on thinking it’s miles behind you and then, a little pot- hole and it all comes back onto your path. Keep moving ahead beautiful noodle.


  4. Awwwwww….hang in there….
    a significant day for me too Marian, I’m struggling a little this week…I’ll have dinner at a fancy restaurant with my other valentines this year, my gf’s!
    (& yours is a fellow Aussie? I’m in good company, I hope.)

  5. Sometimes the calendar makes me wish I lived somewhere irrelevant. Lately I find it more difficult to remember specific dates of memories, though. I’ll find myself just in a mood at certain times of year. I’m not sure that Tennyson had it right about “better to have loved and lost”.

  6. Silmultsnously Melancholic and Beautiful…
    I believe happiness comes with a price and love sooner or later comes with a heartbreak… That being said I will take the chance of heartbreak to know and experience love.
    Big hugs girl

  7. Reblogged this on Creative Noodling and commented:

    And now it has been three years. Yes. I still love him. But I think it’s more as a figment… a bit of ether I can hardly see. Two of the white roses he sent me hang withered and dried in my office. A gorgeous bunch of fresh white roses arrived this morning. No. Not from the Australian. I knew they weren’t from him. But from a friend who sent them to show love and support on this day. I won’t lie. As they were set on my desk I started shaking. The mere memory of him causes me to tremble still.

Talk to me. Please.

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