Do Men Like It When You Aren’t a Sure Thing?

Nathan’s hand crept under the sheets to my breast and he gently twisted a nipple. I wriggled out from under his touch. Something he had said shortly before bed had irked me, sending my often-raging libido into cold hibernation. I felt him reach for my tits again and this time I firmly moved his hand before rolling over onto my stomach.

The man gets points for persistence. It wasn’t long before I felt a gentle caress on my ass. As he stroked the peaks and valleys of my body I considered spreading my legs and encouraging him to dip his fingers inside me, which would inevitably lead to sex. And then I thought, no. I am tired. Actually I’m beyond tired. He’s been here for several days and we’ve had plenty of sex. Plus, he was rude earlier and I don’t feel like opening up physically to him. In the midst of this internal debate, I felt his hard member press against my thigh.

“Nathan,” I said, deciding it would be immature to not talk it out, “It’s not happening tonight. You hurt my feelings and I’m in no mood for sex right now.”

“How did I hurt your feelings?” He said, a hint of defensiveness in his voice.

“You basically called me lazy,” I pouted, “And I’m not lazy. I’m just exhausted. And being so worn out that I forget to do something doesn’t make me lazy. It just means that my brain is completely shot. So you were just plain rude. And yeah, it hurt my feelings.”

“You forgot? I thought you said you just weren’t going to do it. I didn’t hear that part about you forgetting,” Nathan explained.

“Okay,” I said, the pouting diminishing, “You still can tell me you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” he said smiling, “You are anything but lazy.”

“Thank you,” I said, leaning over to kiss his full, sensuous mouth, “You’re still not getting sex. Not because I’m still mad. But because I’m just too damn tired.”

“Okay baby,” he said chuckling.

I fell asleep with him gently massaging my back and just before I entered dreamland I heard him whisper softly, “You’re kinda cute when you’re exhausted.”

The next morning daylight broke through the sliver of space between my bedroom curtains, filling the room with a soft glow. I felt Nathan move beside me and once again his hand went to my breast. I didn’t discourage him this time, but there was no encouragement either. I just lay back and let him explore.

When his meandering fingers reached my crotch, I remained motionless, letting him use all the tricks he knows to arouse me. The buildup continued, with my body only occasionally betraying my heightened awareness of him, his fingers, his expert touch. It was a good twenty minutes later before I finally allowed my hips to stir.

He responded by attaching his mouth to my nipple and began flicking it with his tongue while his fingers continued to tease my ever-moistening channel. As I reached the edge of my orgasm I jerked off my panties and pulled him on top of me, spreading my legs as he mounted. He thrust in deeply with a significant moan.

“Oh Marian,” he breathed in my ear, “You feel so good.”

The coupling was sensual, slow and tender. But when he came, it was with a groan and shudder like I’ve never heard from him before. He collapsed like a rag doll on top of me and just lay there… breathing.

After several minutes I spoke, “Nathan? Darling? Are you okay?”

“Mmmmhummm,” he murmured, “I just didn’t know if… and then you… and we… and… it was really good.”

So all this made me start thinking. Is there a heightened level of pleasure when a man succeeds in having sex that he wasn’t certain he was going to have? Does the challenge make the release more powerful? Is it more exciting when a woman isn’t a ‘sure thing’?

23 thoughts on “Do Men Like It When You Aren’t a Sure Thing?

  1. I don’t know that the level of pleasure is heightened, as it all feels wonderfully like heaven, whether it is a quick rush or a long slow simmering session…but the intensity does change. You can tease a man over a period of hours, bringing him to the height of arousal, letting things cool, then doing it all over again. When he finally does release, that release tends to be stronger, more voluminous, and definitely feels more urgent. It’s called edging, and can be a lot of fun…so long as there is definitely a release in sight. ;) When there is no sure release, when one is fairly sure that nothing will happen, the anxious anticipation of all that buildup can quickly turn to resentment and bitterness.

    • Thank you for this thoughtful response. I easily could see resentment and bitterness being the side-effect of being repeatedly shut down. And frankly, if I hadn’t gone through a period of poor health where my libido truly was in the tank, I wouldn’t understand how a woman could repeatedly do that at all. Thankfully, at the time, I didn’t have a man to be shutting down so no harm done. :) But when I’m my normal self, my drive often exceeds that of my partner. So this was my first experience in actually saying, “No, we aren’t having sex.” to a regular lover where an established sexual relationship is in place.

      I think I’m going to try doing more of that edging you talk about … with a sure release (or several) for both of us. :)

      • Edging when you know you are going to cum is AMAZING. I have spent hours, seriously hours, with a lover, each of us building the other right to the verge (or edge, hence the name) of climax…and then you back off. Slow down. Go back to soft kisses and caresses. Give it time for things to start settling down, then start all over again. Do this over and over and over until neither of you can stand it anymore, and then the release when you finally let it happen is just fucking unbelievable. :)

      • Was speaking to Ann earlier. Even though I don’t actually know what either of you look like, I can’t help but go to that naughty place in my mind…

        And as for your questions; I’m not sure about the release being more powerful but there certainly is something special when you weren’t expecting it. Or if you were made to work for it. I think anyway. But I haven’t had sex in like a year. So maybe I’m biased.

  2. I tend to agree with this Mark fellow up top, but I think the bitterness and resentment only come with extended denial (speaking from my own experience, at least). I find that denial in general is understandable and totally to be expected from time to time, but if that denial is lined with a sense of anticipation and teasing… oh man, count me in.

    • You know… I’ve been denied before. And it happening every now and then, I do completely understand. But if it was extended like you say… I would not be a happy camper. Anticipation is seeming to be the big turn-on. And yes. Count me in too!

  3. I agree with Mark Baron’s comment about the edging technique. Definitely works for bigger orgasms. But as for the slow and tender action you wrote about in your post… drawing out the sex like that could be why Nathan was more explosive… that slow building up of pleasure to the peak. But to answer your questions in your post, I’m not sure. I’ve had great pleasure from a “sure thing.” But I have to wonder if part of his heightened pleasure was from being turned on before, and then not being able to perform. Then being turned on and being able to perform, that might’ve done it. That lust from before was added to the lust of the morning. Just a theory.

  4. Speaking as a (largely) reformed bad boy, there is no question the answer is “ah … sometimes”. There are occasions when the sure thing is exactly what you need. But other times, yes the seemingly unattainable, purposefully out of reach has an irresistible allure. And when the unattainable is attained …


  5. First, let me say, hot (as usual!)! And second, a deliberate, kind denial with an eye to a delayed release is always fun for me. However, having said that, if I ever say no to TN the man freaks out and asks if we’re breaking up because it’s so rare lol.

    • I bet he does freak out! heh… I getting a good chuckle just thinking about it. The idea of a kind denial with hope on the horizon is lovely… it’s like sweet edging.

  6. From my open marriage perspective, the only ‘typical’ sure thing is sex with Veronica. No matter how much build up there is with others, I try not to think of sex with others as a sure thing (even if on occasion it most certainly is).

    To Hyacinth’s remark, there is something to be said for a deliberate denial/delay and how the eventual orgasm is that much stronger.

Talk to me. Please.

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