I hate showing weakness. I have a very clear vision of the image I want to project: a strong, smart, confident, quick-witted, attractive, kind, attentive, sexy, powerful woman. But that’s all it is—a projection—elements of myself polished and turned to their best possible angle in the hopes that they will mask what I don’t want everyone to see.
Because what if they don’t catch the light just right and you see past all the barriers I have in place? What if you see my jealous nature? Will you see it for the shortcoming I believe it to be? And what about all the things I’m terribly insecure about? This terror I have of never being enough, my deep-seated fear that, once the surface level is breached, I won’t be desired as I long to be, my doubts that anyone can truly see past my physical imperfections… do all those insecurities scream “defective”, “inadequate”, “flawed”?
I must believe so. Or I wouldn’t work so hard on the projection, would I?