Projection

I hate showing weakness. I have a very clear vision of the image I want to project: a strong, smart, confident, quick-witted, attractive, kind, attentive, sexy, powerful woman. But that’s all it is—a projection—elements of myself polished and turned to their best possible angle in the hopes that they will mask what I don’t want everyone to see.

Because what if they don’t catch the light just right and you see past all the barriers I have in place? What if you see my jealous nature? Will you see it for the shortcoming I believe it to be? And what about all the things I’m terribly insecure about? This terror I have of never being enough, my deep-seated fear that, once the surface level is breached, I won’t be desired as I long to be, my doubts that anyone can truly see past my physical imperfections… do all those insecurities scream “defective”, “inadequate”, “flawed”?

I must believe so. Or I wouldn’t work so hard on the projection, would I?

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29 thoughts on “Projection

  1. Nope. You are none of those things (defective and inadequate). You are beautiful and smart and passionate and incredibly generous. Of course you are flawed… we all are…they are a part of the lovely picture which is you <3

    Becoming willing to share those "shortcomings", and having people adore you regardless, is a very powerful thing.

    Anyway, you'd be really irritating if you were perfect.

  2. You know what’s odd is that I approach those fears from a different angle. Albeit, I’m older but I’ve always approached those fears this same way. Gather up the courage ( and that didn’t work all the time ) and when I went forward, letting myself “be seen”, I had / have to allow people to judge me as I was and see me as they would / will. Basically what I’m saying is I didn’t attempt to project myself as something specific. I would need a team for that, but I was always ready to protect and fight someone if they got me wrong. ( what is that about??) By the way, when someone had an issue with me, it was because they weren’t smart enough to understand me. (It’s kind of a dickhead thought) I wasn’t an overt type of personality and I wasn’t a bully or mean girl. I’m much freer with my words here than in “reality”…unless we’re friends.
    By the way, I’ve come to see weakness as softness. It allows room for tenderness to come. Before, I would take care of everything I needed because I could. : (

    • By the way, I’ve seen you as all that you describe. I also see you as one protecting yourself, as most people do but I think that whatever flaws you have are so much less than the better parts of you. Logically, I’m right unless you have censored yourself masterfully and kept impeccable records of all emotions and their strengths that you shared for the last 2 years. I would also bet that you’re thinking you have censored yourself but even so, you come through it regardless. You’re a beautiful person and you just have to learn to be still and allow others to see it through their own eyes, not yours. Hey, and if they don’t, it’s because they have it wrong. ; )

      • I’m fairly uncensored here. Much more so that in my day-to-day interactions with people. At this point any filtering I do is due to three reasons: a desire to be kind, protecting my privacy, not wanting to turn CN into a place for venting. : )

    • In some ways I do have a team. ;-) But that’s just for surface stuff like hair and nails and eyebrows.

      I love seeing your different approach. And yes… how fragile we are, huh?

  3. I can only say this to you. You are none of those things you think you see, get a better mirror.

    All of us, every last one of us, we see our own flaws in a far more glaring light than others see them. Once we see them we amplify them and make them far more important than they are. You my friend, you are walking talking wonderful. You are lovable and loving. You are smart, witty, compassionate and passionate. You are worthy of every good thing you might wish for. Any flaws you might have are primarily in your mind and not worth a moments notice.

    Get a better mirror.

    • If you aren’t currently employed as a motivational speaker, it’s time for a career change. Thank you. Some people are natural cheerleaders and you are one of those special people. I hope you cheer yourself on as well.

  4. You know all those adjectives you use in your 1st sentence? That’s what I see, too. Projection, my ass. The only thing I’d add is sensitive. You care a lot about others.

  5. As others here have stated, and I would go with those that have met you :) we are all projecting something, in the hopes that it doesn’t reveal flaws. You are more than what you project and see and less flawed than you believe. As we get older, or perhaps as our experiences shape us, we become more comfortable in being genuine, real and flawed. {hugs}

  6. Having flaws and insecurities doesn’t mean that you’re defective or inadequate. Not at all. They mean you’re human. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to learn more about my limitations… and to make peace with them. It’s becoming more comfortable with that old saying “nobody’s perfect.” Because we’re all human, and every single one of us has flaws and insecurities. I’ve also grown to realize those are things that make people more interesting.

  7. I assume that you wrote something and the comments so far are in response to that. Sorry, I haven’t read your post yet, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.

  8. It’s often amazing how important our imperfections are, they drive us to do good stuff like working out but also limit us because they make us insecure. As someone once said it’s very important to mistrust the existence of your imperfections. That way you love yourself as you are and you project calm deep rooted strength and poise that does not need validation.

Talk to me. Please.

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