It is not the world’s job to make me happy. Nor is it his job. Whoever he may be at the time. I don’t have quite as many disillusions about control as I have had in the past. I realize that, as much as I want to hold all the puppet strings in my life, it’s not possible. Things will happen that are of my influence.
But some things are in my control. If I do things that result in me feeling negative about life and myself, I have the ability to stop doing them. Or to do something different. And if I don’t take those steps and stay unhappy, I have no one to blame but myself.
Sometimes that’s a scary thought. And other times I twist that perspective and think about all the times I’ve felt joy that had nothing to do with my decisions except for taking the time to notice the moment.
Like the other night while I was running at the track. A rainless thunderstorm had passed by ten miles to the south leaving a sky full of dramatic clouds that stretched to the horizon. And as the sun set, its pink light broke under the clouds and through the humid mist, coating everything with the most beautiful copper light I have ever seen. As my feet and breathing kept a steady rhythm I wished for a camera. But then thought, no. No camera could capture this. Just soak it in. This twilight is yours. Commit it to memory, for it will live there far better than in tiny pixels on a screen.
I could dwell on how many moments like that I’ve missed. But I won’t. I’ll just keep treasuring them as they come, realizing the gifts they are, not unlike the people who I have come in contact with via this blog. Thank you all for reading. And I’m so grateful for the relationships that have developed.