I Brought Danger Home

Something happened this morning. Something that scared me. Badly. I realized just how sheltered I am. And I’m so thankful for it. Never again do I want to see or experience the level of self torture and affliction I witnessed. I’m not cut out for it. I feel everything.

Thinking about it now, I’m not even sure the last time I felt truly afraid. Maybe that time I was driving at night in a foreign country on the other side of the road in the other side of the car and I realized just how bad my night vision is. But that wasn’t the same. That was funny scared. There was nothing funny about this morning.

I brought danger in my house. My intentions were good. But the outcome was not. On the phone with the 911 operator I could feel my heartbeat in my ears, my pulse racing, my body poised for flight if things escalated.

The first officer on the scene towered over me, his girth speaking of many donuts consumed. Two other giants of men soon followed, accompanied by the flashing lights and box-shaped vehicle that would carry the danger away.

“I am safe,” I told my friend later. And then it hit me. I don’t believe I’ve ever said those words to someone before. I’ve never felt the need. It was always assumed. But this morning, I was not safe.

Surrounded by three massive uniformed men, I cradled an elbow in one hand while the other rested on my heart. I felt tiny, wide-eyed, a bit of innocence I didn’t even know I had gone.

“Don’t ever put yourself in danger like that again,” the middle-sized giant said in a stern, fatherly voice.

I nodded rapidly in response, tears filling my eyes, a few escaping and coursing down my cheeks.

“I won’t. I promise.”

52 thoughts on “I Brought Danger Home

  1. Oh Marian, I’m happy to hear you’re safe instead of not hearing you again. Whatever happened, if you need anything that I can give, it’s yours. I send you tight hugs while on guard for you and lots of love, Jayne

  2. I don’t know how it happened or why it happened but you’re safe and that is the important thing. Stay wrapped in the arms of those gentle giants large and small, friends and lovers, who can help you feel safe.

    • I’ll go more into the what happened when I feel like I can. As to the why, I was being tender hearted and caring. But I am safe. And I’m staying close to loved ones. Thank you darling.

  3. Big hugs from somewhere that drives on the wrong size of the road and in the dark, too.

    It comes as a shock to realise how fragile and vulnerable we all might be. I hope you feel safer soon.

    • I didn’t know how sheltered I was. And I have an over-inflated sense of what I’m able to handle. This was way out of my pay grade. Uniforms were necessary. I’m feel better. Keep driving the “other” way sweet friend. Sending you love.

  4. Thankfully you are unhurt. And not scarred. We often take our security for granted and feel ourselves invincible. This is good, of course, because no one should live in fear. But sometimes bad things can happen to remind us how vulnerable we can be. Know that we all care for you and your safety


    • You are very insightful. I didn’t go to the track to run last night because I didn’t want to be that far from home in the dark. I just walked around my neighborhood instead. I’ll be back to not jumping at shadows soon… but not rushing myself.

  5. Hugs to you, Marian!!
    So glad that you are safe…we are just becoming friends and I’m not ready to give you up :-)
    Take your time and process and know that you have lots of supportive folks that’ll be here when you are ready. xo

  6. When you feel you can, you should talk about it. Whether here or elsewhere. The process of talking helps to process and helps you also to understand the what and how. I tell you this only from experience, from being a victim of rape and of violence, from nearly losing my life to refusing to being referred to as Victim but instead Victorious.

    Marian, I am glad you are safe. If you need anything, send me an e-mail (my email is on my blog).

  7. Marian,
    You know where to find me if you need to talk. Be well. I’m glad you’re safe. This world wouldn’t be much fun without you in it.
    Your pal, ALWAYS,
    The Hook.

Talk to me. Please.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s