I Don’t Wanna Talk About It

Rod Stewart croons in his gravely, scratchy way, “I don’t wanna talk about it, how you broke my heart…” Tonight those lyrics ring deep and true for me. Not because of my heart. It’s quite intact these days. But because of life [read work] in general.

But I don’t want to verbalize the issues. I don’t want to talk about it. Why? Because when I do, I think I should be able to handle the stress, the pressure. When I say it out loud it all sounds doable.

But how I’m feeling is opposite that. It doesn’t feel doable. And to say out load that I’m hanging on by my very finger tips when I believe I should be able to handle all the responsibilities sounds weak. And oh how I don’t want to be weak.

But I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Is it weak to walk away? Can I walk away? Theoretically I know the answer to those questions. But how I feel isn’t lining up. Not yet.

I feel trapped. And can’t seem to get my head clear of the drowning waves of work long enough to make a plan of escape.

But at the end of the day, listen to me. And how shameful it is that I’m wailing about the stress of my job, when there are so many who don’t have one in the first place. I suppose it really is all about perspective.

But I still don’t wanna talk about it.

43 thoughts on “I Don’t Wanna Talk About It

  1. Hang in there, Marian. Whatever it is, you’ll come out the other side. Can you forget about it for the weekend at least, and clear your head?

  2. But put it this way. You have a life that gives you the time, no matter how infrequently, to reach out across the world with your wonderful words. Imagine how crappy life would be if it didn’t.

  3. Take deep breaths, drink some wine (or whatever your drink of choice), take a walk in the woods. Whatever you need to help ease your mind. And don’t feel bad at all about complaining about your job. Yes, there are unemployed people out there. But you have a right to complain when you are very stressed. I hope work eases for you — and I hope you find more peace of mind. :)

    • There has been chaos this morning. The kind with loud noises and too many people and general disorder. The kind that has given me a panic attack in the past. But it’s over now. And I’m laying across the quilt on my bed… Trying to relax. :)

  4. I wish you were with me right now. I just woke up, a few hours away, to TN beside me ((Peyton’s in the other room). We’re gonna play tomorrow. Play is always good for the soul.(hugs) xx Hy

  5. All any of us can do is sit, take a deep breath and figure out how to take one thing at a time. I feel you my friend. It isn’t a matter of how much is too much, how much we can take or take in or do. It is how to say, ‘no it is enough, no more’.

    {{{ very large hugs }}}

      • Yep, though I think it feels better if you think of it as a really large box of chocolate. You know it will make your ass huge if you eat the entire box in one sitting. Better to pick out one piece, eat it today and save the rest; even better share some of it and save the bad pieces, the ones you don’t like with some of the people you are none to fond of.

  6. Don’t spit up your coffee when I say this, but I don’t think anyone should judge someone’s ability to deal with the stress in their job. The reality is, our capacity to deal with stress is all different. What might just roll off your back may be more than someone else can bear. What you are going through might be nothing to someone else…but it’s all so dependant on the kind of stress it is, what is within your control, and how you are wired.

    Recognizing when you are drowning is good…because you can ask for help and help yourself. It’s not weak. You are strong. There are definitely people who can help you forge your path forward, whatever you decide is best for you.

          • I use it often? I wasn’t aware of that so will have to pay attention more. Thanks for pointing it out.

            The term is used in game theory…and means a situation in which a one person’s gain (or loss) is balanced by the losses (or gains) of another. So, if something is zero sum, it means your gain is another’s loss.

            In this case, I’m suggesting that your having a job and worrying about the related stress doesn’t mean someone else is losing. It’s not like you are complaining about not liking a sandwich, when you’ve taken that sandwich out of someone else’s hand.

            Does that make sense?

  7. Well ya know, Confucius says, “Man who run behind car get exhausted.” and “Man who run in front of car get tired.” Not really sure where I am going with this other than I’m sure there is a message about finding balance somewhere in there, not something I would ever consider weakness. If nothing else I hope it brings a smile to your face. :)

    xo

  8. Ha.
    I red this in the email version and came here to offer words of encouragement and support since I can totally relate to the feelings.
    I’d forgotten what a huge community of support you have.

    • That doesn’t mean your support isn’t any less valued or appreciated. It is. And thank you so much. But I’m sorry you relate. While it’s nice to have comrades who understand the stress and frustration… I also don’t wish it on anyone.

      Please don’t stop popping by just because there’s a crowd. It’s an intimate one you know.

  9. catching up – thinking the conversation between you and Lady Ann St. Vincent is spot on and relevant in many ways. Many of us have various tools/methods/practices whatever you want to call it to deal with stress. A lot of stress. Especially those that are always *perceived* as being strong or the leader or the one that’s “driven to results”. When we are used to those adjectives it can be hard to not only acknowledge that at some point there is a limit. We only have the capacity to deal with so much and then there’s the aspect of asking for help. God forbid. Depending on all of the factors of your personal eco-system at any given time, one thing that you would have never blinked an eye at may now stymie you. I digress ;) what I’m trying to say is that while it may seem to be selfish or “first world problem-like” to be unhappy in your job when others are without, just proves you are human with empathy and understanding. That doesn’t mean it isn’t true but that your capacity is stretched and finding a way to refresh, recharge and plan your escape is exactly what you need. I contend that we spend more time at work, and cycles outside of work thinking about work and what isn’t spent on work is making sure those around us are taken care of, or giving time to other people and not enough time carrying for yourself. Self-care is not unlike self-love; necessary in order to be able to continue on being the strong one, the dependable one, the one that gets things done. Take care of you for once. Be your own priority if even for a bit {hugs}

  10. My practical solution that I apply get it of our mind onto a paper . Break the problem into bite size pieces. Focus on one small problem . Savor each small victory . Your mind is infinitely more powerful when empty. Advice I got from a Marine. And smile you are beautiful:) pamper your self a bit with the industrial size vibrator.

Talk to me. Please.

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