Lusting After Another

Nathan and I have “couple friends” now. One of them is a husband and wife who are several years older than us. It began with the wife—Kate—and I being friends and now that Nathan and I are a regular thing, it’s grown to include the men more often than not. Last night we attended a casual get together with them.

A little bit of back story:

Several years ago at a fancy holiday gala I had indulged a bit too much in the open bar. That’s rare for me. Normally I stay happily buzzed but still completely in control. But on this night, when I stood up after having who knows how many vodka tonics, the room spun. I placed a hand on the white leather upholstered chair of the hotel bar and willed myself to stay steady. Chris, my friend’s husband, noticed. In moments he was at my side.

“Kate,” he called to her, “I’m going to walk Marian up.”

She smiled and waved us on.

“Thank you,” I whispered, “Is it obvious?”

“No,” he said, “I just happened to see you stand up and saw how quickly you reached for the chair.”

He slipped a strong arm around my waist to steady me as I maneuvered toward the elevators across the marble floored lobby in four and a half inch heels. We didn’t have to wait long for the lift. Once inside I let my head rest on his shoulder. The surge of desire I felt for him hit me like a brick wall. I’d had a crush on him for ages but this was different. It was raw lust.

The doors opened and I stepped out, thanking him as I exited. I needed to get away from him before I made a fool of myself. With one hand on the wall for balance I made my way to my room. I was almost there when I looked over my shoulder and saw him behind me.

“Oh goodness, I didn’t know you came with me,” I said.

“Just making sure you get there in one piece,” he smiled.

I paused in front of my room, checking the room number just to be certain.

“This is the right one,” I said, “Thank you again.”

“My pleasure,” he said, opening his arms for a parting hug.

I nestled against him and the closeness was too much. I lifted my head and kissed him, full on the mouth. His lips opened and his arms tightened around me. Pressed hard against him, in the shadow of my hotel door, I devoured his mouth and he did mine. All the pent up desire I had for him came rushing to the surface, spilling up and over into that kiss. At last I pulled away.

“You have to go now,” I said, suddenly feeling very sober.

“Yes,” he nodded, “Sweet dreams, Marian.”

And with that he slowly backed away down the hall, watching me unlock the door and step inside.

The next morning I recovered from my hangover by having brunch with Kate, Chris and another couple. We laughed as a group about my rare over indulgence and I pretended like I didn’t remember much about the evening. And I continued with this false amnesia for two years. Most of my interactions were with Kate anyway, so it made it easier.

But then, this past year at the same annual holiday gala, Chris and I ended up standing alone together towards the end of the night. I was once again sipping on a vodka tonic, but this time was well within my limits.

“I’m being more careful with these this year,” I said, motioning to my drink.

“Yeah?” he said with a knowing smile.

“Mmmhmm. And… about what happened when I wasn’t careful,” I began.

“Marian,” Chris interrupted, “You may have been tipsy. But I wasn’t.”

I looked at him, my face questioning.

“So…” my voice trailed off.

“So… I remember every second,” he paused and stared intently into my eyes. “Do you understand now?”

I took that to mean that he wasn’t sorry it had happened and didn’t hold me responsible even though I had been the one who began the kiss. So I just nodded. We haven’t talked about it since, but there is a noticeable undercurrent of energy when we’re together.

Last night it was worse than usual. I wanted to be near him terribly. So much so that I clung to Nathan’s side in order to keep at a safe distance. But while Nathan was refilling our drinks, Chris found me.

“You look amazing,” he said tenderly.

“Thanks,” I replied. I hadn’t seen him since mid-summer, so unlike Kate, who has been seeing my transformation as I go, the recent toning and hair change were a surprise.

Reaching out he gently touched my cropped, white-blonde hair.

“When did you do this?” he asked.

“About eight weeks ago.”

“I love it. You are just… glowing. So beautiful.” His hand had moved from my hair to my arm and I was conscious of how close we were standing.

“There you are!” Nathan said as he came around a corner with fresh drinks. Chris’s hand dropped smoothly to his side and I took a step back. The moment was gone except for a few lingering looks exchanged during the evening.

Back at my cottage I lay in bed with Nathan and couldn’t stop thinking about Chris. My imagination ran wild with thoughts of him kissing me, touching me, making love to me. So much so that I woke from a dream on the brink of orgasm. The dream returned in flashes. Chris was naked in bed with me, kissing me, touching me everywhere and about to enter me. It had been so very real.

I ran my hands over own nakedness, trying to shake off the desire. He is married to my friend. What I feel for him is wrong. But I haven’t been able to kill it… yet.

I reached over and touched the sleeping man next to me, my fingers trailing down Nathan’s tummy until I found purchase on his cock. I wrapped my hand around it, holding on like a life line. This is the man I should be lusting after. The one in my bed. So why, even now, do I want to throw caution to the wind and find a way to somehow kiss Chris just once more? Why can’t I revel in the love I have right beside me?

50 thoughts on “Lusting After Another

  1. Fantasies like this are natural. Especially under the circumstances. When you’re with someone for a long time, you can’t help but wonder about others. Then there’s the “forbidden fruit” angle, that’s all the more enticing. I wouldn’t feel guilty for any thoughts…AS LONG AS YOU DON’T ACT ON THEM.

  2. Oh wow, hard territory!!

    I feel for you, but I do have to echo most of what other’s have written. The forbidden fruit sometimes tastes the sweetest but comes with the most consequences.

    Good luck!

  3. I think J.R. LeMar hit it on the head in his comment… the fantasy of forbidden fruit can be very enticing. And you’ve written about your temptation very well. This sounds like another situation of the angel Bugs Bunny on one shoulder, and the devil Bugs on the other shoulder. And you in between, trying to sort it out.

  4. i find that once it’s had it usually leads to disappointment, you build up so much by dreaming that once its done you just feel underwhelmed, keep dreaming hun, its good for the soul. hey you are better at controlling yourself than most people, most people would have caved and found a way to make it happen already, so bravo to you for being an adult and controlling yourself, but continue dreaming and enjoy those dreams they make for better sex with your Nathan, he doesn’t have to know who you are imagining he will just enjoy the sex anyway. And desire and dreams do not mean you are a bad person, if anything it just proves how human you are, and how lust is such a normal and necessary feeling.

  5. I told you… you’re a woman of great passion, more than a single form can contain, it seems.
    Never feel guilty for listening to your soul’s messages, Marian.
    Good luck, my friend.

    • Thanks Hook. I wouldn’t say I feel guilty. Guilt and I don’t cross paths too often. I just know what’s right and what’s wrong. And will try to do what’s right. But if I do what’s wrong… I’ll accept that. And continue on.

  6. Hmmm. This is passionate, powerful writing Marian. And telling a tale as old as time. Beauty and the Beast. We are all slaves to our basest of instincts. What we do, as slaves, is entirely up to us. And what we do one time could very well be different than the next time. I have no guidance to give. No advice to throw your way. I am weak. If I were him I would have already taken you to a warm, intimate spot and lavished sweet loving on your lips to show you how I really feel.

    Weak. That’s me.

    • my goodness Willy. That last sentence in the first paragraph. It does not help. :) It has me thinking of all the wonderful things that can happen in dark corners. And not just the dark corners of my mind.

  7. You’ll make the decision that’s right for you. You already know what the worst case scenarios are… It’s just a matter of whether you’re willing to see them come to fruition. So I guess all I’ve got are hugs from this end.

    xo

  8. Lust is very powerful and sometimes very hard to deal with but love is even more powerful ,it’s obvious that you care a great deal for Nathan and he is a lucky man because of that,but don’t reproach yourself too much for having normal desires.

  9. Pingback: Pointing Out Elephants in the Room | Creative Noodling

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