Same Song, Second Verse?

Something that has caused me to feel strange has come up. It’s come to my attention that a man I briefly dated several years ago has begun a relationship with an acquaintance of mine. This development isn’t surprising considering that we all run in the same circles. And I’m thrilled for them both. She is a lovely woman; he’s a lovely man. And when he and I went out it wasn’t under the premise of a longterm relationship developing, but rather an effort by me to launch him back into the company of females and get him comfortable with the mere idea of dating again. What did yield a head tilt and slightly raised eyebrow were the similarities between their activities and his and ours.

In fairness to her, she has no idea we ever went out. So as she gushed to a group of us about their time together I got a very weird sense of deja vu. Yes. He had taken me there. Yes. He had given me that. Yes. He had touched me right there, exactly as she described. Yes. He had murmured those exact words. To me.

I don’t feel jealousy. It’s something much more ambiguous. I wonder if he’s replaying what he did with me because he received a positive reaction so why not recycle the planning efforts. That’s logical. But if she knew, how would she feel? As I write this out, I’m discovering that perhaps that’s why I feel odd about it all. I’m transferring to her how I would feel if I knew another woman had already been the recipient of what I had perceived to be just for me. She’s probably a much better person than I am and wouldn’t be bothered by such trivialities.

Either way… I won’t be telling her. But will I call him out on it? Perhaps with a subtile reminder via a dropped phrase the next time I see him. I certainly wouldn’t put it past me.

26 thoughts on “Same Song, Second Verse?

  1. Things like this are strange indeed…I think it’s completely rational for you to feel odd, even if you don’t feel jealous, because of course we all want to feel special in our relationships. Finding out a man has a pattern of behaviour or common practices that he uses on all of his lovers? Yeah, it wouldn’t sit well with me, no matter which side of the situation I found myself.

  2. I think I’d feel odd too to know that he’s recycling things.

    Not jealous, no, but decidedly odd.

    I guess though, we’re all human right? Maybe that’s just something he does without thinking too much about it? Or maybe he just doesn’t know anything else?

    Still. Odd.

    • It’s made me think about if I do that with men. And in some ways… sure. I kiss how I kiss. So if men I’ve kissed were to compare notes, there would be some major similarities. Same goes for my style of blowjobs. ;)

      I go back to the fact that what he did worked. So why shake it up? Just waiting to shake off the “odd” I feel.

  3. We men are simple creatures. Perhaps he is not even aware of what he is doing. Could he possibly have even done the same thing with other women before you even. After all, if it works, why change it?

  4. I believe a lot of people have basic moves, especially in the beginning, if the actions have been successful overall in the past. The longer the relationship proceeds, probably the less it will echo the past.
    Still, it would feel odd to me as well.

  5. In a world where the media likes to create horrors in our minds, and focus on the worst side of humanity, it’s easy to read bad things into his actions. That could be right, or it could be wrong. Maybe he’s just doesn’t have that great an imagination when it comes to dating – he knows what’s worked once, so why not again?

  6. Reading this reminds me of my ex getting remarried. Saying all the things to her he once said to me. It feels weird knowing anyone could feel/say/do the same with someone else, but it’s kinda how we work. xx Hy

  7. I don’t know…. we all get into patterns that we like and are comfortable with–
    but it also could be that he is wanting to reexperience certain aspects of your old relationship, or remind himself of you in a more direct way.

Talk to me. Please.

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