Something that has caused me to feel strange has come up. It’s come to my attention that a man I briefly dated several years ago has begun a relationship with an acquaintance of mine. This development isn’t surprising considering that we all run in the same circles. And I’m thrilled for them both. She is a lovely woman; he’s a lovely man. And when he and I went out it wasn’t under the premise of a longterm relationship developing, but rather an effort by me to launch him back into the company of females and get him comfortable with the mere idea of dating again. What did yield a head tilt and slightly raised eyebrow were the similarities between their activities and his and ours.
In fairness to her, she has no idea we ever went out. So as she gushed to a group of us about their time together I got a very weird sense of deja vu. Yes. He had taken me there. Yes. He had given me that. Yes. He had touched me right there, exactly as she described. Yes. He had murmured those exact words. To me.
I don’t feel jealousy. It’s something much more ambiguous. I wonder if he’s replaying what he did with me because he received a positive reaction so why not recycle the planning efforts. That’s logical. But if she knew, how would she feel? As I write this out, I’m discovering that perhaps that’s why I feel odd about it all. I’m transferring to her how I would feel if I knew another woman had already been the recipient of what I had perceived to be just for me. She’s probably a much better person than I am and wouldn’t be bothered by such trivialities.
Either way… I won’t be telling her. But will I call him out on it? Perhaps with a subtile reminder via a dropped phrase the next time I see him. I certainly wouldn’t put it past me.