I feel as if I’ve been fighting a Crazipocalypse for the past couple of weeks. Something is in the air. People who I believe would normally behave in reasonable manner have been behaving off-kilter. It’s like I’m in an on-going episode of Candid Camera but no one ever points to the bushes and says, “Look! We’ve been filming you this whole time! It’s all a prank!”
Thankfully I have good, humorous friends who help me realize that the pinpoint of light at the end of the tunnel isn’t actually a train. Before the Crazipocalype peaked I was describing the impending sense of doom I had weighing on me to one such friend. He’s got much more experience in this area and offered some sound advice I’m going to pass on to the rest of you in case I’m not the only one in a battle against the Crazies. (And, judging by some of y’all’s blog posts, I’m not.)
Rory: How are you today?
me: I’m a little frazzled. But hanging in there
me: are you not familiar with the word?
Rory: I am. More inquiring why
me: lots of irons in the fire. a girl abandoned her job. and it’s just a nutty feeling in the air.
Rory: Oh dear
me: like all the crazies are gonna come out. think zombie takeover. But instead of zombies… the crazies.
Rory: Get home, and lock the doors! Invest heavily in canned foods and shotguns
me: yes sir
Rory: I’m on season 4 of walking dead. I’m full of useful tips for just such occasions
1. Making friends with a redneck who can operate a crossbow is a good idea
me: What else?? I need to know these things!!!!
Rory: 2. Don’t be the black guy in season one. It doesn’t work out for you.
me: Ok… Noted. I can do that. next?
Rory: 3. Never, EVER, split up! Scooby and the gang do this all the time, but that is a silly silly cartoon. You will probably get eaten
me: And what if I’m alone already? Does that mean I should just throw in the towel?
Rory: Nope. Keep running. Never give up babe. Your pretty and likable, so you’ll probably be around until season 6 at least. Hell, you may get your own spin-off if you play your cards right
me: You know I’m gonna work up a humor post from this chat, right?
Rory: Please do
me: What do you want your name to be?
Rory: Hmmm… I’m feeling on the spot… Rory. Can I be Rory?
me: Mmmm. I like it.
Rory: Oh, another point. Don’t get pregnant. Yes, we want to repopulate the species after the zombie apocalypse, but you’ll die in child birth, probably during sweeps week.
So there you have it my friends. With Rory’s sound advice we can all hope to live through the Crazipocalype and perhaps even have a spin-off all our own.