Perfect is a high standard. One I tell myself I should let go of. It’s a lot of pressure you know… trying to be perfect all the time. Trying to live up the standards I expect of myself. But if I’m going to aim for a something, it should be high. Right? So then I revise my statement to “self”, crack the whip, and once again strive for perfection.
But things aren’t perfect.
I could write a very long list of all the things about me that aren’t. But I don’t feel like penning a post with that many words. So instead I’m going to talk about one aspect of my relationship with Nathan that isn’t perfect. This doesn’t mean that it’s the only part that needs work… just the part I’m choosing to write about at the moment.
The sex. It isn’t all I want it to be.
I want more. I want him to be more passionate. To manhandle me. To toss me across the bed and have his way with me. Somewhat subjective, I know. But if I stepped back and pin-pointed a key element that relates to all of those wants… the one missing act that I crave… I keep coming back to cunnilingnus. That’s right. I want the man to want to go down on me.
I realized this isn’t something he enjoys soon after we started having sex. He never made a move to go there. Even after copious amount of oral sex from me. It simply didn’t/doesn’t happen.
I tried making a game of it. We got in a faux debate over who sang a certain song and I knew I was right. So I told him, “Loser has to go down on the winner.” He laughed and said, “Sure!” But he still hasn’t paid up. Not for that time or the other three times he’s lost our now “usual bet.”
One of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard a man say was when a friend of mine was describing his first time seeing a girl naked. They were both in their teens and upon the removal of her bikini bottoms he said a switch just flipped in his head that said, “Oh. Mouth goes there.”
And there he and his mouth went. It was a natural reaction.
That’s how I feel about sucking on a cock. It’s supposed to go in my mouth. It feels so good there… tastes. so. good. Just thinking about it makes my tongue start to circle.
But Nathan obviously doesn’t feel the same way about my pussy. Is this something that can be taught? Can I teach him to love feasting on me?
I don’t know. But I’m formulating a plan.