It’s February. Again.

February sneaks up on me, and yet doesn’t. I see February coming. I expect the turmoil that will come now. I brace for it. Plan for it. Hoping to minimize its effect. And then I turn around and I’m in it.

I feel guilty for writing in these few moments I’ve found. There are kind, wonderful, heartfelt comments on my last post that I still haven’t responded to. I think of what I want to say back to y’all when I’m driving, the only part of the day lately when I can be alone with my thoughts. And then, when I can be in front of a computer, the words escape me and work pressure crashes in, blocking all else.

But I’m really feeling February tonight. And I need to write. So I hope you understand.

Many years ago I was married. I’ve never revealed that here. But I was. It ended… in February.

My grandfather, my hero, he died suddenly in a tragic accident… in February.

I met, loved and lost Ian, the reason I began blogging… in February.

I had a long drive home in the dark tonight. And, for reasons I choose not to share here, I cried for most of it.

I’m fine. Just… a jumble of feelings. All these Februaries. They add up.

28 thoughts on “It’s February. Again.

  1. It can be hard to get through I know, The February blues are an international disease and I know quite a number of people who suffer from it. I do feel a bit sorry for the month. Its a bot like that guy at the party who everyone wished had not been invited. Apart from hoping things cheer up for you soon, you also got me thinking of reasons why February is a special month. You’ve got me thinking, but I haven’t come up with any reasons yet: poor old February :(

  2. Oh Marian, it will get better. I have similar issues with March. At least it’s the shortest month of the year that’s chosen to taunt you. *hugs*

  3. Ironically, Marian, my February is filled with joy (birthdays, Valentine’s day, anniversaries), and yet, this year, I’m on the verge of a breakdown as well.

    Know this, my lovely friend, misery loves company and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be miserable with than you.

    Hang in there.

  4. Hi – it’s my 1st time commenting here – although I’ve been following you for some time ;) (stumbled on your blog through Hy’s)…..seems like so many of the blogs (people) I read / follow are having a tough time at the moment – it can only get better right??

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