Yesterday was my blogging anniversary. I wouldn’t have known if WordPress hadn’t told me. I’ve been disconnected from this world.

But as life would have it, I find myself in an airport, heading to a lovely place, with a delayed flight. So I sit at the airport bar and sip my white wine and nibble on a house salad.

And thinking.

I chatted with the blogger I met in New York last night. It’s been just over a year since that trip. Which seems strange. I feel I have changed a great deal since then. And not just on the outside.

I’m more successful than I have ever been in my career. I am focused. I am not searching. Well, not searching as much.

Nathan grounds me. But a times it’s like a weight. I asked him in a moment of anger several days ago, “What is it like to be you? What is it like to never be emotional?!!”

He replied, calmly and in complete control, “I have emotions. I just don’t allow them to run away with me.”

In scheduling the travel that I do I am in some ways running away. I just don’t know from what. Reality perhaps?

When texting with an old flame recently I told him to “tell me something good.” Meaning that I wanted to hear about something good going on in his life. But the message I received back read, “You’re beautiful, thought of (constantly), and wanted (badly)”

My heart skipped. I felt very alive. And for a moment, not so disconnected.

21 thoughts on “Disconnected

  1. It’s an act of surrender, committing to a relationship, it’s scary giving that control to another, while at the same time being given that control over another, it can be a soul numbing flood of trivial minutiae, which lack the fire of another’s want and desire. In the end don’t settle for one iota less than you’re willing to comprise over, *hugs* glad to see you post again, safe flight, be well and I look forward to reading you again

  2. Seems to me we all need to be validated, some more and in more ways. Maybe you are one of those who ‘need’ more from a personality forged 30 years ago. I know such a person. Nathan is a more laid-back type and ‘needs’ less.
    I’m happy you posted; will you post after the trip?

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