Tired and Lonely 

May I be melancholy here? I know it’s my space. But I have only been scratching the surface lately. Today something shifted. After working hard physically and emotionally the past several days (18 hour stints. Fitbit readings in the 20k step range) I drove home tonight and just started crying. 

The tears just wouldn’t stop. They were tears of exhaustion. Tears of change. 

I took a detour and stopped by my grandmother’s place. Walking through her door, I saw her sitting in her recliner. Once at her side I bent over for my hug. Her arms lifted and circled my neck. It felt like coming home. 

“How are you, honey?” she asked. 

I plopped down on her sofa and said through the tears that had started again, “I’m so tired. Nothing is wrong. The past few days have been amazing. But with all the change lately… I just can’t seem to stop crying. I feel silly.” 

“Don’t feel silly. Sometimes you just need a good cry.” 

I nodded. Sniffing and laughing through the downpour. 

In the last month or so there have been a lot of changes in my life. Many of them good. But I feel like my axis is shifting. I’m off balance with no anchor. 

I’m flying. But erratically so. And now I’m out of fuel. Crashing. I see ocean coming faster. And faster. It’s rising up to meet me. 

20 thoughts on “Tired and Lonely 

  1. Ah. The crying. Did that last night. Started all of a sudden, out of the blue.
    Try to let it all out. Try to sleep too, it usually helps reset your batteries and helps you find a new balance (says the gal who is happy when she sleeps 6 hours at night!).
    Oh, forgot to mention: beautifully written, as always!

  2. Not too sure about “best” or “ever”, but I’ll take your word for it.
    Have you ever watched a pelican glide just above the waves? Once they hit that cushion of air close to the surface, they can go for miles without a single wing beat. That’s what I envision. Not that you look like a pelican or anything. LOL

  3. Deserted islands or island with lost treasures and civilizations are never found without hardships, detours, unexpected changes, or things not quit going as planned. Keep your chin up dear Marian. You are on a journey to discover untold riches, not always on the monetary sense. Those riches could very well be YOU. As always, my eye is on the horizon, so just send up a smoke signal if you need. Hugs.

Talk to me. Please.

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