“What time tonight?” I texted Kevin.
He had sent me a good morning text and we both had full work days ahead so it was close to 4:00 when I realized we hadn’t set a time. A few minutes later he responded, “I’m pretty beat.”
“It’s been a day for sure. We can just relax and be tired together.” I texted.
“Can you do tomorrow?”
My eyebrows raised. Pretty beat? Tomorrow? Excuse me? Was he actually brushing me off? Many things ran through my mind but I chained them with a deep breath.
“Tomorrow won’t work at all for me. I have late meetings.”
“The we have a problem,” he responded.
I took another deep breath. And put my phone away. My pride had just been dealt a solid blow. Thank goodness my heart isn’t involved, I thought.
Around 6:30 I texted him again, giving him one more chance.
“So you’re too tired for sure?”
“Yes. Don’t come. I’m going to bed.”
I shook my head. What on earth was going on. I wanted answers. I still do. I have none. I will not chase. Was this a near miss, I wondered. What ever it was, I for damn sure wasn’t staying home alone. I worked later than really needed and then swung into my local bar on the way home.
It was comfortably full. Not packed. Not empty. I perched on a stool that left my back to the door. I didn’t care about who was walking in. The friendly bar maid chatted away with folks around me while I nursed my whiskey and diet coke. I stared absentmindedly at the flat screen playing the game. The past 24 hours spun through my head like a film. Kevin’s lack of desire to see me felt like a problem to be solved. Where had I gone wrong?
Silly isn’t it. How, when a man has laid down a long and very clear string of messages of attraction, and that suddenly shifts, that I assume the problem is me. It could be. But it could also just be him.
I twisted my straw in my drink. I am a kind woman, a loving woman. But I am also a proud woman. Kevin’s unwillingness to push past his tiredness in order to have me curled up by his side felt like a slap in the face.
I was on my second drink when someone I had seen once before at this bar sat down at the corner, almost facing me and three chairs away. He made such an impression that I wrote about him here. And here.
The angel on my shoulder that had kept me out of his arms the first time we met was no where in sight. Pride had tucked her away. The night had just taken an unexpected turn.