Why Does He Still Make Me Ache

With my Apple Music playing on the Soft Pop station (don’t judge, it was background music while I was working) I pecked away at several projects with urgent deadlines. Work was foremost in my mind. And then the rich crooning of Roberta Flack comes through the tiny speaker…
The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies
The first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hand
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command my love
And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time my love
The first time ever I saw your face
Your face, your face
It was as if I was instantly transported to that moment over five years ago when I met HIM. The first time ever I saw HIS face. The one I fell for totally and completely almost instantly. The one whose face I will never again see. Will he always make me ache? When I’m a very old woman, who has lived a full, meaningful life, will part of me still pine? I don’t understand it. But tonight I’m feeding it. Roberta Flack is on repeat.

4 thoughts on “Why Does He Still Make Me Ache

  1. He’s there with you, in you. Has always been and will always be. That’s my belief.
    I’d advise to try and see it as unconditional love being always present in your life rather than as an ache. Let it bring you comfort rather than pain.
    So yes, feed it, on e in a while. Why not?

  2. Ah, the 5-year anniversary. So poignant, but sharp because you cannot share it with somebody you would wish to.

    Enjoy it for what it was, a surprising time of potential and joy, limited by circumstances and events beyond your control.

    I have one of those 5-year anniversaries later this year. I still have smiles from that time. They pop up randomly and in particular settings, maybe prompted by a turn of phrase or an accent. A little wistful but always so good.

  3. He still makes you ache because that time will, always, be part of you. Like all life changing events, it envelops our whole being. Remember, and wistfully celebrate that time. You are forever enriched by being part of each other.

Talk to me. Please.

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