To Be Titled

It’s been a long time since I had a first kiss. Longer still since I’ve been with two men with only a few hours of separation. And I can barely remember the last time I fucked in a truck. But on an evening a few nights ago I experienced all three.

From a distance he could almost pass for Ian. The height, build, close cropped dark hair, slightly crooked smile… they all have a close resemblance to the Australian. Except for the eyes. Where Ian’s twinkled blue, Joe’s are a deep brown. Almost black.

This is not a new revelation. I knew Joe before I met the Australian. And after, when our paths crossed, I couldn’t help but notice the similarity.

When we met almost a decade ago he was in the middle of a separation and I in a committed relationship. But there was a spark, a rich undercurrent, the velvety tease of desire. Witty banter lead to flirting laced with thick innuendo which gave way to long looks and intentional unnecessary brushes of skin.  Continue reading

The Solo Ride

I exited the train, strode down the wooden platform and saw him standing just past the turnstiles. Tall and handsome in a grey sweater, tan jodhpurs and brown riding boots, he was unmistakably my guide for the day.

“Hello,” I said to him in his native tongue. The five days prior in this European country had perfected my accent.

“Hello,” he replied, a look of slight surprise on his face.

We walked out towards his car in tandem and in silence.

“How are you?” I asked, nearing the limits of my recently acquired skill in his language.

“I’m very good,” he replied, a crooked smile alighting his face, “And you?”

“Very good.”

“You speak my language?” he asked.

“No, not well,” I said, reverting to English, “I do try though.”

“What you know is very good.”

“I have a good ear, but limited vocabulary.”

He glanced over at me as he opened the door to his car, a ghost of his first surprise still haunting his features.

“I hope I haven’t kept the rest of the group waiting,” I said, referring to my slightly late arrival.

“There is no one else,” he said.

“What?” I replied, confused. I thought I had scheduled this village and countryside ride along with a group of other horse enthusiasts.

“There is just you, so no one is waiting,” he confirmed. Continue reading

Changing Scenes 

He was tall, broad-shouldered, with a deep, rumbling laugh. I stood in the bedroom of his sprawling ranch house in Big Sur country wearing tawny riding breeches and a red sweater as we discussed which of his dozen horses would be my mount for the day. His three daughters and one son would be arriving for the long weekend later that day. But I didn’t have to do any planning. Mrs. Prill would see to it that dinner was served at seven, he explained. I took a deep breath and threw my arms around him. 

“You make everything so simple!” I laughed. 

The scene changed. 

The massive kitchen with a giant fireplace is briming with conversation and savory smells. The children, all in their late teens and early twenties banter back and forth. They are affectionate with me. I sip my tea, taking it all in. It feels like home, but with a piece missing. 

The scene changed. 

The man and I were walking along the coast at sunset. Hand in hand. The memories of the day played through my mind. It was perfect. The house. The land. The horses. The coast. The California sun. The big family. The security. The tall, distinguished man. Too perfect. I felt a stab in my heart as I thought of Nathan. Where was he? Why had I left him? 

I began to run. Faster. Faster. So fast my feet barely touched the ground. And then I was flying! I caught a current of air and let it lift me high into the sky, away from the man. It was glorious, like being inside the most iridescent opal you’ve ever seen, with a symphony of string instruments accompanying you. 

I woke with a start, the room dark and the soft sound of Nathan’s breathing. What did it all mean? This dream outlined my perfect life. Down to the large, ready made family that I didn’t have to birth and raise. But when I realized it had all been a product of REM sleep, I just felt relief. Because I didn’t leave Nathan. He’s still right here. Beside me. 

An Unexpected Turn

“What time tonight?” I texted Kevin.

He had sent me a good morning text and we both had full work days ahead so it was close to 4:00 when I realized we hadn’t set a time. A few minutes later he responded, “I’m pretty beat.”

“It’s been a day for sure. We can just relax and be tired together.” I texted.

“Can you do tomorrow?”

My eyebrows raised. Pretty beat? Tomorrow? Excuse me? Was he actually brushing me off? Many things ran through my mind but I chained them with a deep breath.

“Tomorrow won’t work at all for me. I have late meetings.”

“The we have a problem,” he responded.

I took another deep breath. And put my phone away. My pride had just been dealt a solid blow. Thank goodness my heart isn’t involved, I thought. Continue reading

Long Drives in the Night

“Damn,” he whispered, “I could make love to you.”

“Okay.”

I stood up and walked towards his bedroom.

“Where are you going?”

“To bed with you.”

He jumped up from the sofa and blocked my path with a kiss. Grasping my shoulders firmly he steered me away from the door.

“I’m confused,” I said. “Do you want me or not?” Continue reading

Talking in Circles

I parked on the street where Kevin had instructed and texted him that I had arrived. “I’m coming down,” he quickly wrote back.

I got out of my car and my phone rang. It was him.

“Turn around,” he said. I did. And I saw him walking to meet me.

He greeted me with a tight hug.

“You’re really here,” he said, smiling and taking my hand. “Come on up.”

I followed him up three flights of open air stairs, the city night swirling around us. Once at his door, he opened it and motioned for me to go in. Inside it was clean, modern and quiet. But it also felt a little bare. Like someone who kept their belongings to a minimum because it makes packing easier.

He gave me the 20 second tour, watching my reaction. It was underwhelming but the condo wasn’t why I was there. As he stood against the corner that separated the living room from the kitchen I walked up and placed my arms around his shoulders. His mouth found mine. Continue reading

It Started with a Wine Tasting

It all started with a wine tasting.

“Come with us!” my friend texted me. She and her man had been invited to a private wine tasting and somehow wrangled room for me. Never one to turn down the grape I texted back “YES!!!!!!!” with many exclamation points.

The pours were generous. The laughter and merriment more so. Watching my friend interact with her man fills me with joy. They are so openly sexual that it both turns me on and makes it very clear to me that that part of a relationship is missing with Nathan. He simply isn’t wired that way.

I began to crave adventure. A rush. Something.

After the tasting I was driving home (yes, I was ok to drive) and the craving intensified. Nathan wasn’t home. Thanks to social media I knew he was in a far flung city on a roof top bar living the high life. Literally.

I pushed the Siri button and said, “Call Kevin Brown.”

Kevin and I met several years ago working on a project. We have flirted for years, joked about taking trips together, and admitted a mutual attraction. Yet, it had never been acted on. Not even a kiss. He teased me about being all talk and no action. “You say you’ll come see my new place,” he had texted a few months ago, “but you never will.”

He answered the phone with a smile in his voice, “Hey stranger. What are you up to?”

“Can I come over?” I asked. No preamble. No small talk. Just blunt. Direct. Urgent.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“Sure. Give me ten minutes.”

“Ok. Text me the address.”

My phone chimed a few seconds later. And I pointed my car toward his condo.

Paris Is Calling

The magical city of light is calling me. At least that’s how I would like to think about it. In reality it matters not to Paris if I ever set foot on her streets. But it matters to me. So tonight I sip French wine, study metro lines, and repeat basic French phrases over and over… enjoying the sound of the foreign words spilling out of my mouth with some accuracy.

I’ve always been good at repeating accents fairly well. It’s the remembering of the meaning of what I’m saying that is the problem. I get focused on the sound. The lyrical quality of the vowels and consonants. And I’m lost to all else.

But I shall have to focus.

Because Paris is calling. And I will traipsing down her streets within the next month.

Oui! I am answering the call!

paris-wallpaper-7

 

A Letter to One Far Away

Dear you,

Is there anything quite as old fashioned as a pen and paper letter? As I thought about writing you I considered purchasing some fine stationary that would be more fitting of this traditional method of communication. But as you can see, I didn’t. A humble lined legal pas will have to suffice for now.

So what does one talk about in a pen and paper letter. I confess, I’m so accustomed to the instant feedback of a modern age that it feels odd. There’s a level of trust to this. I have to trust that you’ll understand my meaning because it will be weeks before you could ask and I then respond. I suppose it’s more like pouring out a stream of thought with the knowledge of a willing audience waiting at the other end.  Continue reading

Taking Flight – The Australian: Chapter 14

“I’ve never been so happy and so sad at the same time in all my life,” I told my best friend.

She had listened to me talk nonstop about meeting Ian, about making love with Ian, about Ian’s flower sending abilities and about how sure I was that Ian was my soul mate for days. The consummate friend, she had commiserated with me tirelessly. And now she offered some advice.

“Go see him,” she said abruptly as I was lamenting his departure for Australia in the next few days.

“What?” I replied, dumbly.

“Go see him. Before he’s out of the country,” she explained.

“You mean like tomorrow?”

“Yes!”

I don’t know why I hadn’t already thought about dropping everything and flying to see him before he left the country. I was ready to quit my job and move to Australia if he asked, so this would be small in comparison. But most of all I wanted the chance to be in his arms again, to feel his breath on my body, to know for sure that what I had experienced, felt, believed was real.

“Oh my gosh. I could make this happen,” I said, disbelief rapidly dispersing. Continue reading

And the World Fell Away – The Australian: Chapter 9

I could hear my heart thudding loudly in the silence of the room, the blood rushing to my face. Ian lay on his side in the bed, his head still cradled in his hands. A million thoughts raced through my mind. I remembered how careful I had been to avoid any questions that would lead to him having to tell me if he had a girlfriend, or worse, a wife. Maybe it was simply that I did not want to risk breaking the magic of the moment, of the meeting, of losing the possibility of making love. I knew, intellectually, that the question would come up, no matter how hard I tried to ignore the possibility. Looking back, I realised that he, too, had been stepping around that question. Neither of us wore rings, but in my case that certainly did not mean I was free and clear. Even though the man I had been seeing back home had not proposed, our relationship seemed to be heading in that direction. And then this day had happened. I was ready to abandon everything and everyone for Ian. But he still hadn’t looked up.

“Are you married,” I asked gently?

He finally met my gaze. Continue reading